List of demands from a gender liberation conference

These are a list of demands from women that arose from discussions at a recent statewide gender liberation conference held for the activist community. Men should read this list carefully, reflect on how items on it may correspond to our own sexist behavior, become aware of when we engage in those behaviors and work to eliminate them from our relationships with women in our everyday lives and in the activist community.

Demands from women:

• Give us more mad props
• Do no sexually objectify us
• Don’t judge women
• Stay focused on sexism, not your gender role socialization
• Recognize women for all work that is done, even yours
• Share secretarial and clean-up work in activism
• Actively combat sexism
• Take reproductive responsibility
• Back up women when they’re being attacked
• Do housekeeping stuff
• Don’t be egotistical because you’re “better” than mainstream guys
• Respect women as activists
• Be more self-sufficient; nurture each other
• Don’t be defensive
• Take sexism on as your struggle
• Don’t act as if you can understand our oppression
• Take action against sexism in your own communities
• Remember that equality is the standard of which to judge yourself by, not the current state of things
• Don’t trivialize women’s issues
• Learn how to have one healthy relationship before having more
• Women don’t want to be represented and referred to as partners of men
• Don’t judge women for being “girly”
• Fight sexual violence in your community
• Realize that women don’t hate men
• Honor women for non-activist stuff they do
• Take part in intimate relationships without sex
• Don’t force women to be “nags”
• Realize that when you’re off traveling and train-hopping, women are the ones staying at home and building community
• Make childcare a priority
• Don’t force women into polyamory
• Even when dealing with your own gender role socialization, address sexism
• We want an immediate commitment to fighting sexism
• Write stuff down!
• Get over your ego
• Realize that sexism runs really deep and always plays itself out
• Don’t gawk at our body parts
• See us as activists; don’t focus on our sexuality
• Don’t make excuses for your sexism, deal with it
• Be proactive, not reactive
• Don’t expect us to wait for you to be comfortable with your oppression of us before we make demands
• Don’t force us to take on traditional gender roles
• Respect our womanhood
• Realize that men are still the oppressors; it’s your job to stop it, not just understand it
• Stand up for women; assume that they’re right
• Don’t make it so hard to be friends
• Realize that women don’t always feel comfortable or empowered enough to stand up for themselves
• Realize that sexual violence is prevalent in this community
• Be accountable for your actions
• Stand up to each other
• Don’t ask us to cuddle if we’re in a platonic relationship
• Be mindful of the language you use (i.e., girls, boys, guys, women, men)
• Realize that we are not representative of all women
• Don’t just be “not surprised” about our Silent Witness
• Listen to women, even the “hard asses”
• Give equal consideration to our wants and needs
• Think through your actions
• Don’t assume that you’re the ones who define “radical”
• Recognize who’s not here [at the gender conference]
• Combat size-ism; acknowledge it as a problem
• Take all of our views into account
• Realize that our activism is restricted
• Don’t force guys’ projects on us, while ignoring women’s
• Don’t belittle our projects until a guy takes them on
• Realize that we deal with harassment constantly
• Recognize that sometimes we are physically not as strong; encourage us to do stuff, even teach us how
• Believe and support us
• Realize that “youth gone wild” is not necessarily radical
• Admit when you fuck up
• Encourage women to do adventurous stuff
• Don’t act like your “oppression” as men is comparable to ours as women
• Don’t assume that men set the standard for fun
• Realize that we [the women] may disagree on some of these points, but that does not at all invalidate us or them

Demands you forgot:

• Create an atmosphere that is dynamic and empowering
• Realize that we will support you
• Realize that we will help you with your mistakes
• Notice that we interact awesomely and respectfully with each other
• Realize that we do care about your gender issues, but it’s just not comparable to sexism
• Take responsibility for the sexist behavior at May Day
• Communicate in intimate relationships
• Take notice of the fact that several women mentioned specific instances of sexism in our community
• Take notice of the fact that several women spoke of incidents when men didn’t have their back