Men in the Movement

Just got back from National Conference on Organized Resistance (NCOR) in DC. It was good, there were around a thousand people…and there were some really righteous discussions. One particularly thought provoking session was an Anti-Sexist Organizing workshop led by 2 men: Todd from War Resisters League and Elliott Caldwell from Freedom Rising.

It was great to see men talking to other men about sexism and the workshop was a good attempt to create a space for men to talk more honestly about how sexism effects them. Some of you know I am increasingly becoming aware of the need for positive identity development among our guys. That is: Its dangerous to define institutionally privileged people like men and rich folks and white people based on their oppressive behaviors alone. In the case of white boys, the predominate anti-oppression message tends to be: shut up and sit in the corner.

We identify oppressive behaviors (like talking too often/too much) so that privileged folks will take responsibility for themselves and settle down. But if we stop there, there often institutionally privileged folks end up feeling like there is no place for them in the movement.

I believe that everyone has a place in the movement, the left is the minority as it is, we need everyone. (But we also need everyone to take responsibility for their behaviors!)

One man in the workshop said that when women leave the room for separate gender caucuses he feels like the men’s conversations are not as valid, like something important is missing. –I think its time that we learn to appreciate men talking to each other about sexism as revolutionary. This includes men talking about the ways in which sexism hurts them, not only how they have purposely/inadvertently hurt women/tranny/non-gendered folks.

The final piece I’d like to express is the huge huge huge importance of mentorship for men engaging in anti-sexist ally work. Every day young men wake up and decide to get involved in activism. Often they encounter language and discussions about their male privilege that alienate and silence them without anyone actually supporting them to decolonize their minds. Consider what it would be like for ally men to take our younger/newer guys out to coffee and talk about his own experiences as a guy in the movement. Talk about what you’ve learned! Consider what it would mean for men to cheer on other men who are making progress towards becoming allies.

As a woman I have so much defensiveness built up around male privilege. I fear losing control of any conversation, interaction, project to the non-ally men for fear that I’ll never get it back. For fear that these non-ally men don’t know how to share power or have power with me, only over me. This fear is based in countless real life experiences.

I hear from other women that my feelings of defensiveness are often echoed in their lives as well. Imagine what it could be like to work in collectives where men were actively working with the men around them to support and nurture a culture of shared power.

I imagine that men do not have the same defensiveness that I and other women often experience. I bet ally men are the best folks to reach out to that new guy and talk to him about being a positive force for change.